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manfred

goats are fast

Two guys are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come
upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I
wonder how deep it is? The second hunter says," I don't know. Let's throw
something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom". The first
hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here. Give me a hand.
We'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up, carry it over, count one, two,
three, and throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking
over the edge when they hear rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn
around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and
with no hesitation, jump in head first.


While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and
trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.. "Say
there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here
anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a
minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles
an hour and jumped headfirst into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"
Manfred
WeedenSteam

Priceless!
Les

   
benchmark

Good one, i have to remember that one.
The Denying Dutchman

   
Pete the steam

Class    
Kev&Mel

 
MrDuck

Poor goat
Sandman

       
Bugsy

I love goat jokes!

A rancher named Clyde had a car accident.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite goat, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road... "
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite goat, Bessie."

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite goat, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'

"Now what the hell would you say?"
Les

   
Bugsy

At the risk of stealing Manfred's thread, here's another one:

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a billy goat standing next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Baahh. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. " Baahh. 9 Iron." He looks at the billy goat and decides to prove him wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the billy goat, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky goat, eh?" The billy goat replies,
" Baahh. Lucky goat."

The man decides to take the billy goat with him to the next hole. "What do you think goat?" the man asks.
" Baahh. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the billy goat, "OK where to next?" The billy goat replies, " Baahh. Las Vegas."

So, they go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK goat, now what?" The billy goat says, " Baahh. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The billy goat replies, " Baahh. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million to one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. Once in the hotel room the man says "Goat, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful. Just name it and it is yours." The billy goat replies, " Baaah, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the goat did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the billy goat turns into a gorgeous 16-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
Pete the steam

Goat jokes  

I thought you were Kidding  






I'll get me coat  
shaygetz

manfred

Well, woody needed to bring his Goat to the breeder so he took his goat into the traincar, when he was asked to pay the ticket for him and the goat he didn't have the money for the second ticket so he tied the goat on to the last car.The train gained some speed and one of the fellow passengers made him aware that something was wrong with the goat because she was flapping from side to side  Woody replied :dead?? You must be kidding,she is looking both sides, the train is not fast enough she wants to pass!

Manfred
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